


Human!Cas

by RacheyEdna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Darkness, Emotions, Fallen Angels, Fear, Gen, Graceless Castiel, Grief, Guilt, Human Castiel, Panic, Panic Attacks, References to Dean/Other(s), References to Metatron, Stolen Grace, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 01:24:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2172639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacheyEdna/pseuds/RacheyEdna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is suddenly human after Metatron betrays him and steals his grace. Cas watches the angels falling from heaven, and reacts with his brand-new human emotions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human!Cas

When Cas lost his Grace and fell from Heaven, he became a human. Completely human. There had been a time, during the period leading up to the near-Apocalypse, after he had banished himself from Van Nuys along with several other angels to save the Winchesters, when his so-called “batteries” became low. He found himself in a hospital bed somewhere in Louisiana, broken, confused, and in a great deal of pain. And yet, somehow, this experience was different, and Cas recognized that immediately. 

Cas found himself wedged in some underbrush in a darkness like nothing he had experienced before. Later he would realize it was because he was seeing through purely human eyes for the first time, which were obviously less powerful without the influence of an angel’s Grace. Struggling to stand he recognized that his heart (his heart?) was beating rapidly and he was breathing (breathing!) unevenly. He felt a tightness in his chest and an uneasiness in his stomach. And fear. There was so much fear. Cas was on the verge of a panic attack, although he could not have put a name to that emotion: panic. He had witnessed it in humans before, but had no way to know that was what he was experiencing himself. All of his emotions felt so different in human form. 

Cas thought back over the previous events. He’d been tied up in Heaven, feeling betrayed and humiliated as Metatron revealed his traitorous plan and stole Cas’ Grace. And then, suddenly, Cas found himself here, wherever “here” was.   
Bright flashes in the sky distracted him from his thoughts. Streaks of fire rained down from the heavens. Cas’ immediate reaction was, 'This is it. The Earth is finally collapsing.' But no. He recognized the shapes within the fireballs, as they rocketed through the overhead darkness and he began to tremble. No, he thought. No! This was much worse than the implosion of the Earth. All of the angels, his brothers and sisters, had been ejected from Heaven and were now plummeting to Earth. And suddenly Cas knew. It was all his fault. 

Cas watched in horror as the vast number of Angels streaked to the Earth, their wings burning up in the atmosphere. He fell to his knees, clutching his hands together and offering them to the skies. The pit of his stomach roiled with what felt like molten lava and he suddenly knew what guilt felt like to humans. Debilitating guilt and sorrow and fear all mixed together. Cas thought of Dean and realized that this was what Dean must feel like most of his waking hours. Cas had always sensed it on him, but had no idea what was actually happening inside Dean. 

Dean. Oh Dean, Cas thought. What will he think of me? He will believe I have betrayed everyone again. Cas was brought lower with a new wave of guilt and other overwhelming emotions. His throat tightened and breathing hurt. It hurt so much to breathe! How do humans survive this, Cas wondered as tears slipped down his cheeks, and his breath shuddered though him. Cas had never felt so alone and so frightened. The last bright streaks left the sky, and the world was dark once more. He had no one, and he was nowhere. It was the first time Cas ever felt like maybe he didn’t exist at all.


End file.
